Dairé And Odhrán McCann-Taggart

This site is dedicated to the memory of our identical twin boys Dairé and Odhrán were born at 23
weeks sleeping with the angels. They have a big brother called James. Dairé and Odhrán suffered
a condition called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome and were the most beautiful babies ever.

Gavin and I were so overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant and my son James cried with
happiness at the thought of becoming a big brother. Both families were so delighted for us. The
pregnancy was a nightmare right from the start - at 7 weeks I started bleeding heavily and I was
told that perhaps i'd lost a twin as they could see a second sac but it was empty, the hospital then
scanned me at 9 weeks and said that there was only one baby there.

We had our booking in appointment at 12 weeks and the midwife confirmed that we were having twins
and she seen two babies!! Gavin and I couldn't believe it were were shocked but so, so excited at
having two little babies. James went from being happy to soooo happy and was jumping around like mad
when he found out that he was having not one new brother or sister but two!

I went back to the hospital at 15 weeks and got to see a consultant who confirmed the twin pregnancy
and even said that he'd seen a dividing membrane - we asked him to confirm if they were identical or
non as we wanted to rule out any complications in identical twins as my nieces were identical and
died shortly after being born - he said he was 100% sure they were non-identical...Gavin and I were
relieved all but for a short while...

As the weeks went on I got more and more uncomfortable and I was diagnosed with spd and was put on a
support belt and crutches. My bump was getting so big and uncomfortable - I couldn't even walk at
times the pain was so bad. I rang the local maternity unit several times and explained to them how I
was feeling and that I was pregnant with non-identical twins - each time I was told that the unit
was very busy and I'd have a wait of about 4-6 hours to be seen they said the best thing to do if I
wasn't staining or wasn't getting any contractions to take 2 paracetamol and go to bed! 7 weeks
passed and at my 22 week antenatal,the dr asked me if I was sure my dates were right as I was so
big. I couldn't even lie back on the bed to be scan and I had to be scanned sitting up.

After the scan he admitted me to the ward as he said that there was too much fluid round one of my
twins. The next morning my own consultant (who I'd never met before then) took my hand and told me
that my babies were very ill. My head swam - what was she talking about - i'd just seen them on a
scan the day before and they were moving away. To me, their mummy, they looked perfect.

I was taken down for another scan and before we know it we were told about Twin To Twin Transfusion
Syndrome (I'd never in my life heard of it) and that we would have to be transferred to another
hospital. Being from Belfast we thought that that would be another local hospital or somewhere in
the Republic of Ireland - they said that the operation could only be performed in St Georges in
London.

We finally arrived at St Georges at approx 10.30pm on Sunday evening and had to find the patient
accommodation. I waited outside the patient accommodation while Gavin tried to find someone to help
us. By this time so late in the evening it was dark, I was tired, sore, frightened, anxious, crying
lots and needed help...

After a restless sleep, after about half an hour of the receptionist not knowing who we were we
finally seen one of the consultants. She scanned me and asked if we knew what sex our boys were, we
told her we didn't want to know as we were told they were non-identical and would be happy either
way, she told us that she would have to tell us and after a scan she confirmed that yes I had
twin-twin and we were having identical twin boys...and that our smaller twin was very ill.

Monday evening we were introduced to Dr Basky who was to perform the surgery. I was wheeled into an
operation theatre and given a "happy drug" which made me feel almost in a dream state. Whilst the
operation was going in Gavin and I could see our babies on a tv screen right in front of our faces.
Our sons, our babies, our world - right in front of us. Seeing little bits of their bodies, faces,
hands, feet as the light from the camera searched for the right place to go - what a total surreal
experience which was something that I will never erase from my mind. The surgery was performed and
3 litres of fluid drained away from me. We were told to come back Tuesday morning for a scan to see
how the boys did.

During the time from the surgery until the next morning was so long. Gavin slept on a flat mattress
on the bed next to me. We would have had to go back to patient accommodation if it wasn't for
Sandra the midwife who was looking after me insisted that I get a bed in the hospital. Thankfully
she got me a private room, had she not I would have been on the ward with mothers and newborns.

Tuesday morning I couldn't watch as Dr Basky scanned me and I watched Gavin's face crumble and he
broke down crying as our fears became a reality - our smaller twin son didn't survive...our other
son needed a blood transfusion as he was anemic. Tuesday evening once again I lay on the bed while
Dr Basky performed the transfusion - after the second attempt Dr Basky was pleased with the result
and said that the transfusion was a success.

Gavin and I asked what happened next and we were told that their job was done and we could book our
flights and go home, we were told that I should feel lots of movements now and that our surviving
twin was going to be okay...We could only get a flight home on Wednesday. Again, we had the most
horrific time travelling, I was in pain, I was nervous that my waters would break and mostly I was
aware that one of my baby sons had died and the other was fighting for his life. Gavin and I wanted
our family, we were emotion and frightened. As much as Gavin loves me and his sons and however much
he protected us during the time in London he really didn't deserve to carry the responsibility had
anything happen to me during the travelling to and from London..We arrived home tired late wed
evening.

It was so good just to be home - however when I woke early on Thursday morning I turned to Gavin who
was already awake, he was looking at my belly, I said to him that I knew that our surviving twin had
died. He looked at me and knew not to question me - I told him I felt empty, that I felt lifeless
that I knew our other son was gone - a mother just knows. After calling out our GP we were sent
back to the hospital for confirmation it was confirmed what I already knew, our second baby boy had
died.

I asked Dr Cooke if I was to have a c-section - she said that I would have to be induced and give
birth naturally. I screamed to her that I couldn't do it, that to me labour was a special happy
thrilling time. I just could not do it. We were then sent home so that evening we could plan with
our family our babies funeral. We spent the evening with James and our parents. On Friday - 2nd
March I woke up and took my time getting ready. My dad called to take us to the hospital to have my
babies. I was so calm, I didn't want to go back to hospital, as far as I was concerned my babies
were where they were supposed to be, they were sleeping together in my womb, were they had been for
the past 23 weeks.

At the hospital we were taken up to the labour ward and into a room where I later found out all the
angels are born. Our midwife was a lady called Heather Sheppard. The first thing she did when she
met me was give me a hug, I will be ever grateful to her for her comfort, her security and patience
with me that day.

Heather explained everything that would happen that day and told me not to worry. After just the
pessary and one tablet to induce labour my waters broke and our sons were born at 17.38 and 17.40. I
didn't know what time of day it was or even if it was still morning or afternoon but in a weird way
I knew the time - before I seen our sons for the first time I turned to the midwife and said to her
'it's 20 to 6 isn't it' my son James was born @ 17.39 - so his brothers were born either side of his
birth time. I felt that he was in the room with them. Gavin and my mum were their when they came
into the world. Gavin's first borns, his sons, his babies, his reason for being.

Heather dressed the boys and handed them to me. I first thought that I would be frightened of them
but when I seen our sons and held our sons in my arms I felt such a rush of love swell over me,
words can't explain how I felt; proud, overwhelmed, distraught, deflated, heartbroken, in love. I
have never in my life seen such beautiful, perfect babies as our sons. Our smaller son, who was born
first, we named Odhrán Kevin (pronounced Or-ran) and our bigger son we named Dairé John
(pronounced Darrah). Odhrán looked so much like his big brother does when he is sleeping and
Dairé looked so much Gavin! Perfection, beauty, pure, together...

The hardest thing was telling James that he wouldn't be a big brother, he has a little understanding
of death as my big brother Kevin died the year before from diabetes at just 34...

I thought my life couldn't get any worse when Kevin died. He and I never seen eye to eye when we
were growing up but as we became adults we depended on each other so much, my parents have 5
children and we all love and respect each other so much, my parents have done an amazing job with
us. My mother and father have shown me how to be courageous and never to give up. They are both
equally my heros.

Kevin has three angels in heaven and that's where he always wanted to be. I know that Kevin is
looking after my boys until I see them again. James' little heart is so sore and he talks about his
twin brothers every day.

When the boys were born, they stayed with us until the next morning in a little moses basket and
their aunts and uncles and grandparents came in and said hello and goodbye to their nephews and
grandsons.

On Monday 5th of March we buried our beautiful sons with my grandparents, Uncle and little cousin.
My dad and Gavin's dad collected our sons from the hospital and my daddy wrapped our boys in James'
christening shawl. It was important to me that they were laid to rest with James' shawl so that
they always have their big brother close to them protecting them.

A few close friends and our immediate family stood at the graveside as Gavin carried his sons in a
little white coffin and placed them with the care of my family in heaven.

That was the day my heart broke into pieces....

I don't think I will ever ever be at peace... I'm consumed with guilt - why did I no just go to the
hospital instead of ringing them, why did I not recognise the signs, why did I not get a second
opinion when the boys were diagnosed as non-identical? So many questions that will never be
answered, the only one Gavin and I can answer is that we know that Dairé didn't want Odhrán being
on his own and that's why he went with him. We took one photograph of our sons and we have their
tiny feet and handprints and a little blanket that covered them in the moses basket... I treasure it
with all my heart. It's all I have of them.

Our sons are loved beyond anything else in this world. They have very proud grandparents, aunts,
uncles and cousins who were so excited about having two new babies in the family.

We will never ever forget them...Gavin, James and I are so proud of Dairé and Odhrán and we wanted
to share their struggle to survive with you...

Dairé and Odhrán 2nd March 2007 - our two angels...


Godspeed

Dragon tales and the water is wide
Pirate’s sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you

Godspeed, little men
Sweet dreams, little men
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

The rocket racer’s all tuckered out
Superman’s in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we’ll find the mouse
And I love you

Godspeed, little men
Sweet dreams, little men
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God heard amen, wherever you are
And I love you

Godspeed, little men
Sweet dreams, little men
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams